'Dancing With Champagne and Caviar' Pilot Episode - PART 3

(After showing a commercial for the new line of plastic bedsheets - see my profile for further information - the daydreamy music returns)

*Shot cuts to Donyelle and Benji making out on the chairs that they pulled rather close together during the break*

Camera man - *AHEM* Rolling

*They slowly pull apart, while still displaying that glazy-eyed gaze that they do so well...*

Donyelle (facing Benji, not the camera) - Welcome back to the show. Before the break, we showed you the eventful ending to America's favorite TV series. Now, before we show you some shots of our wedding (we, like Cat, enjoy telling you that something's coming up after a break, and then making you wait another 40 minutes for it...), we'd like to share some of the experiences we had as the winners of 'So You Think You Can Dance.'

Benji (while acrobatically running around the room, and simultaneously oggling Donyelle) - As Cat continued to tell you last summer, we and our fellow contestants were competing for: $100,000 dollars, a brand new car, and a one year contract with Las Vegas' biggest show - Celine Dion's 'A New Day.' Unfortunately... that's just what we each got. We have some exciting footage of our stint with Celine Dion, and we'll show that to you right now.

(The screen fades to black and Celine Dion begins to sing... In the distance, you hear a shriek of horror and a loud clattering as one of the camera men blacks out)

*Donyelle and Benji come on screen. Donyelle's dress is made entirely of green and blue toole and bows, and is designed to make her look infinitely larger than she is. Benji, the man who seems never to be without his trusty hat, comes out adorned in a seafoam green bonnet. His clothes are shiny, sheer, and ruffled. He has his trusty cape on, and fishsticks safely stored in his bonnet... just in case. On closer inspection, one can tell that both are wearing large chunky headphones... no doubt intended to drown out the horrifying din. They prance about the stage, undoubtedly in great physical and mental anguish. Benji trotts his way over in Donyelle's direction, proceeding to slap her on the bottom, as we've seen him do oh so many times in the past. She smiles at him lovingly and, in the heat of the moment, they begin to kiss. Each one running hands through the hair (or fishstick-filled bonnet) of the other, both sets of headphones are knocked off. As Celine Dion's voice crowds their minds cruelly, the two lovers pass out, waking up a week later in the hospital. It is another month before they regain their full hearing. While knocked out, Donyelle has a dream:

Benji saunters into the room, complete with a pink and black striped shirt, faux-hawk, and eyeliner. She approaches him. He holds her from behind, subtly gazing down her shirt. Suddenly, Natalie comes into the room, sexily pursuing poor Benji, and pulling him away from his love. The room gets foggy and turns red. Donyelle, always quick on her feet, digs through her bag for something to reverse the madness. After pulling out her black belt from Vietnamese Karate, and many a steaming fishstick, she finds what she is after. Retrieving a picture of Musa, she uses one of her many super powers to propel it miles away from where she and Benji stood. Yapping, howling, and drooling, Natalie chases the photograph. Benji grabs Donyelle, dips her, and kisses her passionately.

In payment for the damage inflicted, Celine Dion gave them rather substantial severance pay, and was faced with a restraining order.*

Donyelle - More of our life after the show to come... after the break.