New blog from da B-Man

Well, everyone...

i have come home for a few days b4 im off to traveling once again. But i did have the fortunate blessing of being able to reflect a little about the experiences I have recieved from the last 6 months. I'm probably in a state of complete shock still, but for some reason, I feel.......calm. I never thought I'd be able to achieve a feelig such as that. In six months of nearly no sleep, tioght scheduals, constant critisism, health scares, injuries, tv exposure, competition, routines to memorize, expectations to overcome, maintaining relationships from b4 the show, maintaining a close relationship with God, body image issues, interviews, camaras in my face, autograph signings for hours at end while being ill, living in either a secret location security stronghold of an apartment where family couldnt even visit or hotels or tour bus bunks, stress about wondering whether or not your lifes decisions to pursure a career in dance was worthwhile for the long run, stress about the future, stress about family life, girls, friends, the industry, the tour, the rep, my faith, my dog Patty, my studio, D.E.M.A.N.D., and above all my sanity; Im filled with positivity. Thats something really new to me. I've always told myself positive things. Ive always tried to outwordly say those things to motivate my conciousness and make things happen for myself. But now I feel as if I don't have to try and feel that the glass is half full. What an awesome blessing!!!

The tv show was amazing. I think people saw a lot of what really went on there. I was never sad the show was over...I never had the chance to. The moment I won, I was interviewed for 2 hours then flown out around the USA to do interviews on various television shows and radio stations and autograph signings. I never slept, then tour began and the people that I had been surrounded with were once gaain living with me again. So leaving the tv show wasnt a shock. The tour was amazing. A tough adjustment in some ways. I desperately wanted to be in the same position I was once in as just a plain member of the top 20...but with overly hyped expectations and asumptions made by thousands, a false sense of what I represented was thought of. It was hard...I looked at myself and saw myself as the same, girlfriendless geek that lived in a small town who had an amazing passion for the craft he was involved with. I even began to feel that pressure and didnt know how to act with that viewpoint. Then, while the music started and the cast walked out unto the first beat of music on tour in seattle(our first show on tour)...the feeling of a mutual love for the cast and also for the fans of just "the show", not just "benji", became very clear and progressively I once again became grounded and found myself amidst a vapor of darkness and confussion that is the celebrity life.

My mission was like this. You get to a point in your life where you're so comfortable with your surroundings, and then all the sudden,, BAM!!! you're back at square one, just now with people expecting you to have the manual on how to live life and adjust to your new surroundings...but once those new surroundings become familiar...you develope a love for those around you, and then when that chapter of your life is over...you begin to think and count your blessings.

I have done this very thing my last week of tour. Knowone could tell me or explain to me what I was to go through; the personal and public battles. Im kind of a one of a kind right now. I probably will always be. I can assuredly say that without pretense or ego. I have finished the last days of this tour/show with such a grateful heart and a deeper understanding of the power that my Heavenly Father has for all of us. A prayer I have always had during the show is thast no matter what...we(meaning the dancers) would leave this experience better people, dancers, and gain true memories that have effortlessly been weighed heavier in positive ones than negatives. It happened. I was recognized by a fan in the Honollulu airport, and he asked me if I had enjoyed the tour...the crazy thing was...had I been on tour, had that question been popped a month into the tour...I would say Yes, and then proceed to talk about the negative problems like injuries/ stresses, etc. I don't know if it was me being relaxed and rested from vacation, or the fact that I saw my sister after so long, or that I got to kiss my girlfriend a lot without anyone judging me and thinking I was cheating on Dony...(hehe):But I was able to answer this man from a very clear and open place in my heart. All I could say was one very ethusiastic word when asked if I enjoyed the tour.......YES!!! Yes!!! I enjoyed every single moment of it. The good the bad, the ugly, the weird, the funny...everything that occurred, occurred for a very important reason the God gave me. I may not even know why I went through some of the things I went through, but I know its for my experience, my future. That's awesome.

This blog may not make sense to many, but it does to me. I've kind of come full circle during this tour.

I started with a little scruffiness on my face, died reddish geeky hair, and relaxed clothes. The day I came home fomr the tour, I had some stubble, died red hair, and as opposed to some funky fashionable thing I would typically and normally wear nowadays, I had a pair of sweatpants and a hoodie with not a stitch of hair product on. It was kinda cool...I sat there on the plane coming home and just thought and analyzied the last 6 months and how temultous and wonderful they have been. How much I've learned. How much I realize I don't know either. About dance, the business, love, money, the future, etc. But it's nice to be in this position...the future is not written and I can't wait to see the outcome of it all. Whatever it may be, I know that everythign will happen because its supposed to happen as long as I continue to try and better myself and help other people.

So yeah...this is where I am at right now. I have been home a few days, well kinda, and im sure everyone can see that there is something different about me. They may not be able to put their foot on it. They may just assume its becase Ive been traveling and they don't even waste the mental energy necessary to know what has truley happened to me and the great changes I have been through, but they are there. I am different, but I am the same. I am me, 6 months ago, just seasoned with some more flavor. I have lived a 50 year old man's life of memories in this little amount of space and I don't even think I will be able to articulate what a great experience it has been till im old and grey and ready to move on to the next stage in existence....and that's okay....Im happy with that too.

I will write another blog following this one sometime soon but I felt I owed it to everyone to let them know how grateful I am to have had such great people support me. To be the instruments in the hands of fate in bringin me this lit pathway in life. Thank you. Have no fear...this isnt the last you've seen of me. You will see quite a bit of me soon.

HERE's HOW:

www.benjischwimmer.org:

we have DEMAND up and running...donate, be apart of dance history and make this the first ever non for profit charity soley based on dance ethusists. The benefit is gaining an veen more impressive roster...can't wait to see more benefits coming to a club near you!

the exchange...on my site as well...its like idolforums but without competition, as well as an exclusive video blog by me and a special newsletter that is pretty dope if you ask me...only on members of that site.

MYSPACE:

I will continue to be a champion of myspace...no fretin' ya'll hehe. There will also be some new photography sessions on DARK as well as a Benji:BRITE, a Benji:PAST, and a Benji:DANCE. Stay Tuned...



Teaching:

Im currently booking myself to teach at conventions and do intensives at studios all around the US and even the world. teaching is something I love more about dance then anything else. Choreographing as well. And performing!!!



Instructional DVDS;

Wanna really know what WEST COAST SWING is?(the dance that Heidi and I do)? Well you can learn....well...soon atleast....they are in pre-production. Hopefully out by Febuary!!!



Movies/Tv/Talk Shows/Broadway/National Tours- All of the previous words describe furutre projects that are soon to be coming up!!! No joking here folks.





Well, I need to sleep, but I love ya'll and miss the live performing. But I can;t wait to see what I can do to bring more of dance to the masses. Please stay in contact here with me...I hope not much will change.

You'll all always have a friend in me,

Benji























yes floss too i guess....hahahahahahhahahaha






I haven't read this yet :( But I will soon :D


-Taylor :P